Fighting that overwhelming urge to laugh while the dentist is hoking around in your mouth. There is nothing normal about this situation. 

It makes me uncomfortable when people don’t have a doormat. When I walk through a front door my instinct is to wipe my feet. How do you live like this?

In school I used to eat the freshly prepared fruit salad my mum would make for me to snack on while in my classes and my teacher used to always say to me disapprovingly “Did you bring enough for everyone?”

No I didn’t bring enough for everyone, it’d be really fucking weird if I showed up with 25 fruit salads that my mum had prepared for all these cunts I don’t even like! It’s not my fault their mothers don’t love them.

In my head I think about taking you to the bedroom and going all 50 Shades of Grey on you, but I know in reality I’d be more 43.8 shades of awkward.

Can I actually bring my sexy back? Cause I really don’t think it’s working. I try to be seductive but I just knock over lamps.

I’ve been watching Catfish, that show about people who lie about their identities on the internet and I just want to come clean right now and say I have been lying about my identity. I’m actually a 25 year old model with a great body and a sensational personality and lots of friends, I’m just posing as an awkward teenager with no social skills and a non-existent sex life so you don’t all feel bad.

Somedays I can’t be assed doing my mohawk just to go to class and the best thing about my life right now is that I have a tutor who thinks me with the mohawk and me without the mohawk are 2 separate people.

weshouldwritepornography:

I’m at that awkward stage in my life where I’m too old to sit on Santas knee and too young to die

I’m at that awkward stage in my life where I’m too old to sit on Santas knee and too young to die