You mean to tell me that this entire time we could have bought tumblr for just a billion dollars?

You know what? I fucking wish I had been mis-sold PPI. I’d be fucking rich by now.

The thing is, the anti-valentine’s movement is just as commercial as actual Valentine’s day. It’s all just consumer bullshit.

I think in life once you know in your heart that one day you will die, you realize just how much everything else doesn’t matter. People are taking religion and politics so fucking literally and obsessing over money and power and this constant need to look beautiful and feel sexy and be desired and none of it matters because everyone looks the same decomposing.

I was filling my car with petrol the other day and as I went in to pay I became very curious about something. What happens if you just don’t pay? Like you fill up your tank and just get into the drivers seat and drive off? Do cops come out of nowhere and pursue you in a high speed chase down the country roads or can you just never use that gas station again?

Once upon a time the January sales were actually in fucking January

Realized I didn’t get charged for my tea this morning and went back to pay. I’m such a moral and upstanding citizen of society now where the fucks my blue peter badge?

You ever think about how when a stranger asks us “Do you have a light?” or “Any spare change?” you always say “No, I don’t, sorry.” SORRY? Why the fuck do we apologize to them for not having that thing they want. Sorry to have inconvenienced your day, complete stranger, for not providing you with a service I didn’t know I was going to be called upon to provide. ahh

CHRISTMAS proudly brought to you by Capitalism

When Kardashian’s complain about money.

YOU CAN BUY THE FUCKING MOON IF YOU WANTED AND GIVE IT ITS OWN REALITY SHOW. SHUTTUP.