If you ever think you’re stupid I have a story that will cheer you up. When I was in high school a group of guys in my year all got fake ID’s, but they all got the fake name McLovin and the same date of birth put on them, then all tried to get into the same club using them. What was the dream here fellas? You were hoping the bouncer hadn’t seen Superbad and not only that, but would then believe all 12 of you came out of the same vagina in an orderly fashion, even the black guy?

I’ve been watching Catfish, that show about people who lie about their identities on the internet and I just want to come clean right now and say I have been lying about my identity. I’m actually a 25 year old model with a great body and a sensational personality and lots of friends, I’m just posing as an awkward teenager with no social skills and a non-existent sex life so you don’t all feel bad.

Everyone is saying about “I want to be kissed under the mistletoe” “I want to be kissed in the snow” “I want to be kissed on New Years” and I just want food.